Ask MsCaroline: September 2011

As the Summer winds down, giving way to the more temperate days of Autumn, MsCaroline returns, once again, to answer your questions about expat life here in Seoul.  In this edition, we address your questions about subway etiquette, vuvuzelas, public restrooms, and other topics of interest. (Disclaimer:  MsCaroline's answers, although true to the best of her knowledge, are based on her having lived in Seoul for exactly 3.5 months and may, therefore, be wrong only marginally accurate.  Readers who are in search of 100% accurate information should, of course, consult Wikipedia or FaceBook.)


Question:  I am attending my first soccer game in Seoul.  What should I expect?  
Response:   MsCaroline - although not a particularly ardent sports fan unless her own children are playing - believes in full participation in the culture in which you are living, and that includes attendance at sporting events, even those that one would not otherwise attend in one's homeland.  Soccer (football) is popular in Seoul, and for that reason, all expats should attend at least one soccer game during their stay in the country.  The following are points for Westerners to keep in mind when attending:

• Soccer is huge in Seoul:  This means that everyone in Seoul (and their brothers) will be riding the same public transport at roughly the same time.  Expect to stand (you'll never get a seat) cheek-to-jowl, with at least a bazillion others(some of them stinking drunk  in very high spirits) on a subway train all the way to World Cup Stadium.  When you arrive, expect to be swept up with the crowd, salmon-style, directly to the stadium.  If you have agoraphobia or claustrophobia, it is recommended that you take a taxi instead.  Better yet, stay home and watch the game on TV.
• Soccer games are family activities in Seoul:  This means that, in addition to the spirited drunks devoted fans, there are numerous families with small children in the stands, participating wholeheartedly in the crowd cheers, looking for themselves on the jumbotron, and blowing their vuvuzelas with every last breath in their bodies.

Question:  What is a 'vuvuzela'?
Response:  A vuvuzela is a plastic instrument that looks like a long, skinny, kazoo with a flared end like a trumpet, sold by sadistic enterprising merchants in and around the stadium on game day.  The vuvuzela makes a deafening loud, monotonous noise that sounds like a cross between an air horn and an angry water buffalo. The vuvuzela can be used during the game in order to:  a) indicate approval of a team's actions on the field; b) deliver support and encouragement to one's team; c) public-mindedly contribute to the general ambiance of the stadium, or; d) bash one's younger sibling across the head.  It is a very flexible instrument.

Question:  How do you say, "vuvuzela' in Korean?
Response:  Not having heard any Koreans actually say the word 'vuvuzela,' MsCaroline can only base her answer on the Hangul (Korean alphabet) spelling.  The fact that Hangul (through no fault of its own) does not include the 'v' or 'z' sounds results in the somewhat inelegant transliteration,  "boo-boo-je-rah.'

Question:  What types of refreshments are on sale at Korean soccer games?
Response:  Soccer fans will be delighted to find all their favorite game day refreshments at World Cup Olympic Stadium in Seoul:  beer, dried fish, and squid jerky.  You can also buy popcorn and hot dogs, but MsCaroline sees no need to get carried away.

Question:  I am in a disturbingly crowded subway car and cannot reach an overhead strap or a support bar of any kind.  Is it likely I will fall over when the car begins to move?
Response:  Have no fear, gentle reader!  There is no need to worry about personal safety in this instance, as it is physically impossible for you to fall over because you are wedged in so tightly.  At most, you may sway a little, but falling is out of the question.  It is, however, important for you to remain vigilant and prepared to alertly spring out of the way when the car finally reaches its stop, or you will be trampled to death by your disembarking fellow passengers.

Question:  On the way home in the subway station, I stopped in the bathroom and discovered this when I opened the door to the stall:

What on earth is this, and how should I use it?
Response:  The object in question is an 'Asian Squat Toilet.'  This type of toilet is used in many parts of the world, and medical research has conclusively proven that the squatting position has many health benefits, which MsCaroline believes may have something to do with the colon, but which she prefers not to think about escape her mind at the moment.  Many Westerner women, when faced with their first squat toilet, are extremely close-minded about attempting to use them, which, of course, robs them of the unmatched opportunity to experience the true inner workings of a foreign culture, and which simply perpetuates the concept of the close-minded Westerner.  MsCaroline urges you to set aside your preconceived notions about toileting and expand your horizons.  However, in the interest of full disclosure, MsCaroline must note that, even if one happens to have spent a great deal of time in Asia as a child and  felt quite confident in one's squat-toilet competencies, this is not a skill that just comes right back after more than 20 years of disuse, especially when one is middle-aged, no longer quite so flexible, and wearing heels.  MsCaroline also suggests that this activity is best attempted when you are not wearing trousers, and, if you must take this course of action, you should proceed with great care.  For reasons involving wet floors of questionable cleanliness, the geometry of the female anatomy, and the relative location of one's trousers during this procedure,  it is imperative that one does not lose one's balance, aim, or the grip on one's trousers,  Do not ask me how I know this.